Forsaking the Future Self

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Why do we do it? We set goals, we make plans. We tell ourselves we will…this time.

But we don’t.

A while back, Julien Smith wisely pointed out (as is his wont) that three of us are present for any decision: there’s who we were, who we are, and who we are going to be. One begets another.

As I said to Julien then, each has a siren song: Past Self dwells in what could have been, Present Self dwells in the lush tactility of now, and Future Self sees all that could yet still be. Each has lessons: Past makes us what we are, Present sets who we’ll be, and Future reveals the paths from which we choose.

Future Self fascinates me. It holds so much promise, and yet we forsake it all the time—we do things today that pretty much screw over the person we’ll be tomorrow.

Why is that?

Perhaps because it’s so easy to dwell in the past. We know Past Self—it’s as old as we are, minus a day. It walks with us in everything we do, chats with us, tells us how this is or isn’t like what came before, how we have or haven’t succeeded by doing this or that. Perhaps it’s because some of us don’t like our Present Selves very much, and we can’t see the possibilities that Future Self provides, or at least, we can’t see anything but a continuation of who we are right now (and that’s more than we can bear).

Or maybe it’s just that the devil we know is better than the devil we don’t.

I mean, Future Self…we don’t even know that guy. He just sits out there, dealing in abstraction, putting pressure on Present Self, waiting to see what we’re going to do to him. Bastard.

As much as I love to ask “why?” (and trust me, I can be worse than a toddler on that front), the answers fall too often into the True But Useless category of information. What good is understanding “why” if it doesn’t actually move us to do something different? (Or worse, actually holds us back?)

Not much.

The problem is our success depends on our relationship with our Future Self—on someone we can’t know, and yet whose life we control absolutely.

So, how do we do that? How do you?

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Tamsen McMahon helps people get from where they are to where they're going. She's also the Vice President of Digital Strategy at Allen & Gerritsen, and a Weight Watchers leader. She writes on individual change at PersonalCartography.com.

  • http://twitter.com/frankrebecca Rebecca Frank

    I'm not quite sure how to answer the questions, but I just wanted to comment that I think this is beautifully written, particularly the fourth paragraph.

  • George

    Easy peasy. Future Self is certainly a judgmental bastard. Worse yet, he/she is hypothetical and thus has no clout. Past Self has the credibility of historical recollection and Present Self is “self-evident” but Future Self is unproven and relies on hope and expectation to influence current behavior. It's hard to put, “If I eat right, I'll lose weight and be happier” up against “I'm hungry–is that PIZZA?” (Thus the expression, “Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first!”)

  • http://twitter.com/karriflatla Karri Flatla

    The only way to move to “that future” is by focusing on what's real and true and DOABLE in the present. I suspect that if we stopped what-iffing everything and instead focused on meaningful action we'd get a lot more accomplished ;)

    By taking action you blow apart what you think matters about the past and recreate your future, literally.

  • http://www.petershallard.com Peter Shallard

    Just discovered this site and I'm impressed – this is a cool post (made me chuckle a few times too).

    The point I'm kinda taking away here is that anything we can do to help ourselves be more mindfully aware of the consequences of our decisions…. is a good thing.

    Yep, people don't do that enough. Short term decisions that solve a present pain-problem can often create nastier issues for our future-selves to deal with.

    I guess the solution is to play life/business like Chess – think several moves in advance :)

  • http://www.3birdsmarketing.com/blog Kristen

    As a Type A personality, I've spent much of my life being future focused — the course charted, the list of action items to get there long, gratification delayed in favor of striving to achieve goals. There's no question that there was a place for this in my life; it has helped me to get to where I am now. I am also wired this way. That being said, within the past couple of years I've realized that my focus on actualizing into my future self, was robbing me of appreciating who and where I am right now. Sometimes, despite all planning and preparation, even the most intelligent, capable and competent people encounter circumstance that force them to realize that it is impossible to control every outcome. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. It these moments, it is resilience and embracing what you do have, which is the present moment, that will carry you.

  • Judi Meade

    I am a big fan of why when applied to to Past Self. Many years on the couch taught me that. So many reactions, and hence poor decisions, are really just Past Self protecting Present Self from remembered pain – pain that could be – but probably isn't – lurking around the corner. Understanding why our past self holds so much sway over our present self is one of the keys to freeing our future self.

  • http://www.clintstonebrakerblog.com Clint Stonebraker

    Agree, I accomplish this by focusing as much energy as I can on the Present. I think too many people obssess on the past and as a result become slaves to scripts that could easily be altered. I love the future self perspective, it explains the power we have in creating the direction of our lives.

  • http://www.rebeccaosberg.com Rebeccaosberg

    Great post! I've never really thought about 3 of me being around for decisions. I think usually when making a decision I keep future self at the forefront, however, as you pointed out, that doesn't always end of working. But almost every decision I make is so that future self has it better than present self and past self. If only it worked out like that :)

  • http://www.beamazingtoday.co.uk noreen @ beamazingtoday

    I think we too often create the future by running scripts from our past, i.e. we act according to what we think is going to happen, based on what we know has already happened.
    However, if we are *present* (pun intended) in the moment (and mindful, as someone else said on here) then we can create the future free from old patterns – and thus infinite possibilities open up!

  • Carol

    Thought-provoking post! Enjoyed reading it. I'll be thinking about this for the rest of the day.

  • http://twitter.com/fellowstream fellowstream

    I think the reason we screw Future Self is out of sheer habit. We know what we had and we can see how we got there in the past. Even if we don't like Past Self, she's a known entity. It takes change to create a Future Self that's not just a simple reflection of Past Self, but change is a hard thing. We might have to get out of our comfort zone and open our mind to new possibilities.

    That's hard for a lot of people to do, myself included. The older you get, the more you are defined by your experience. You have to remind yourself that sometimes you have to make decisions not based out of experience (i.e. Past Self), but out of something else completely, whether that be faith, adventure, or just sheer stubbornness.

  • http://twitter.com/ReadingItAll Robyn Hawk

    Amber – are you looking in my mirror? WOW ! this is exactly the kick in the butt I needed right now! Thanks!
    Robyn

  • FMcMurphy

    Fly in the ointment: The past, present and future Self is nothing but an image we create. It's that image that moves us — typically to something that reinforces the image we want to uphold. That image, or belief system, is hardwired to reject any outside stimulus that is not in alignment with who we imagine ourselves to be. It's only when life throws an event at us that is so shattering to that image, that we are forced to confront the faults in our Self construction and (potentially) create something new in ourselves. Solution: give up all images; accept what IS.