My fellow professional ladies,
We need to have a bit of a chat.
I go to a lot of events every year, and work with a lot of companies with brilliant women in their ranks.
I realize that the business world is constantly changing, and I understand how challenging it can be to make an impression and put your very best foot forward, whether that’s networking with colleagues or sitting in an important meeting. Overall, I’m not a big fan of making gender disparities a leading factor in discussions because I think that they tend to diminish women more than they help them. But in this case, I need to make an exception, because some of these items really are specific to us.
Please do yourself a favor and make these investments in your professional demeanor and appearance. I promise they’ll make a difference.
Heels
I love shoes, too. I even love pretty outrageous ones (my red patent peep toes are pretty awesome). But there are shoes that are appropriate for business conferences or work, and shoes that are not.
Choose a shoe you can walk in. Extreme heels (arbitrarily let’s say above 3″) are usually not appropriate for business attire. If you’re going to wear them, pair them with pants or a skirt that hits at or below the knee and for the love of all that’s holy, learn to walk in them without looking like a baby giraffe that’s about to head ass-over-teakettle (thanks to Lisa Barone for the baby giraffe moniker). The safer bet is to choose a pair of heels that isn’t trying to be the star of the show. You’re not at a singles mixer, you are at a business meeting. What you have to say is what we should be paying attention to, not what’s on your feet.
Hemlines & Necklines
On the same topic, mini-anything never belongs at a business event. If your skirt comes more than about 2 inches above your knee, that’s much too much. Ample cleavage is unnecessary and distracting. Your clothes should fit and flatter, but there is a fine line between those things and calling too much attention to your assets during professional hours.
Call me a fuddy-duddy if you want, but if you want people’s attention to be on your slammin’ body, go to the bar, not the boardroom or the marketing conference. And trust me when I tell you your colleagues, clients, and prospects are not paying attention to your smarts in those moments, no matter how truly intelligent you are or how intellectual you make your conversation. If you bare it, people are going to look at it. And whether or not you’d like to think a power woman can rock an abundance of cleavage, it’s giving people the wrong impression. I promise. It’s a mistake I made when I was young as an amply-figured woman, which is really wretched and mortifying when you figure it out.
Put the womanly assets away for work. You can look beautiful, feminine, and professional all at the same time.
Handshake
Learn how to shake a hand. Period.
You don’t need to crush someone’s hand like a hulking truck driver in an arm wrestling match, but neither should you be extending some limp, demure thing that gives the impression that you’d rather touch a dead fish than shake that person’s hand. (This goes for the boys too) A firm and confident handshake conveys confidence and authority. Grasp firmly, shake once, make eye contact and let go. Smile. It’s that simple.
“Like”
I’m especially talking to women of the younger generations but this is a surprising issue that’s prevalent across the board.
In your speech, you need to become conscious of how often you say “like” (and I don’t mean when you actually mean having an affection for something). If you aren’t sure you’re self-aware of how often it happens, have a trusted friend pay attention and help you notice it. How you conduct conversations matters, and the overuse of “like” in your sentences makes you sound vapid and air-headed instead of the polished businesswoman that you are. Speech crutches like this in general are hinderances to communicating clearly and confidently. Practice. And slow down (says the fast talker).
Attentiveness
We all get called away by the phone or an important email sometimes. Totally understandable in the fast-moving business world.
But as a general rule, if you are having coffee, a drink, or especially a meal with someone, put the damned phone away. I don’t mean on the table next to you, I mean away, even if theirs is out. In your purse, on silent. If you *must* check it, excuse yourself outside or to the ladies room to do so. If it rings in the middle of a conversation and is urgent, excuse yourself to take it. Otherwise, let it go to voicemail or text and return it when you can find a moment away.
Make eye contact during conversation rather than looking over someone’s shoulder or around the room to see who else is there. It’s rude and dismissive and leaves the impression that you have somewhere to be. If you need or want to leave a conversation, learn the art of excusing yourself politely by finding a suitable pause in the conversation and simply saying “It was wonderful to talk with you. Enjoy the rest of the event.” with a smile.
It’s incredible to me how many professional women cannot and do not pay attention to the conversations they’re in or wait their turn to speak. Attentiveness is an incredibly underrated skill and it makes all the difference in the world. Getting someone to notice you isn’t always about talking. Sometimes it’s about shutting up and paying attention to them.
Who The Hell Do I Think I Am?
Pretty presumptuous and bitchy of me to dole out this kind of self-righteous advice, huh? Maybe. Sorry if it comes across that way. But you know what makes me qualified to discuss this stuff? I’ve made almost every mistake up there. And I’ve had someone call me on it. Which is uncomfortable to say the least, but it has made me a better businesswoman after I shook off my mortification.
I’ve been talking lately with my brilliant friend Carol Roth about the importance of providing really sound professional and business foundations for women. I don’t mean an MBA, I mean how to hone your business skills to make a powerful impact on your chosen field and industry. Part of that includes how you carry yourself and what impression you leave with the people that you meet. Do you want them to say “Wow, I met this woman that had on these outrageous heels” or do you want them to say “Wow, I met the most incredible business person and she really knows her stuff?”
I know what your answer is. It’s mine too. And I desperately want you to not have to learn this stuff the hard way. Your brain and your business acumen are the very best assets you have. They should shine more brilliantly than anything you wear, and be given the best possible presence upon which to rest, because they’ll last you the rest of your life.
Now go have a look in the mirror, put the phone in your briefcase, get out there and kick some ass.
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